What hurts the most
by Angel of RedFire
Summary: Based off of the song by Rascal Flatts. Derrick and Cam just wanted to be accepted for the relationship they had. Derrick thinks that the two can make it, but does Cam think the same thing? Rated T for slash.


**A/N: So this is an uncomfortable topic for me to write about, but I've got to write something challenging once in a while, right?**

**Rated T for sensitive topic and character death**

**A CamxDerrick fic based on the song What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts**

**Read and Review**

* * *

Tears started falling down my face as I heard the news from my father. Why did this have to happen? Why of all people did HE have to leave me? I loved him so much and knowing that he was gone shattered everything in me. I felt great anger surge through me and I turned to my father, shoving him hard against the wall.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU MADE HIM LEAVE!" I screamed at him, shoving him again.

My father said nothing, but the look on his face showed the pain. As I continued screaming at this man who I called 'father', he grabbed me firmly and pulled me close to him in a hug in an attempt to calm me down. But I was hysteric. I was so angry, lost and confused. I couldn't think straight anymore.

I broke down and broke into a fight of tears as I clung onto him.

"I'm sorry Derrick," Dad said as he held me close.

***.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.***

_It was about a year ago that I met Cam Fisher. I was instantly drawn to him and everything about him. His pitch black hair and blue-green eyes made him look super handsome..sexy even. I had at first thought I was drawn to him because I had just gone through a break-up with my girlfriend Massie Block, but that was a lie. There was no denying that I had fallen in love with another man, though it didn't seem uncommon in this day and age._

_What hurt the most was what happened once we started dating. My parents disapproved of our relationship and even tried to force me to deny my feelings for Cam. I fought hard, denying them and their beliefs and opinions. Cams' parents were more open-minded about our relationship and they even encouraged us to be happy with who we were._

_We always got strange looks from people wherever we went. Sometimes we even got called 'fags' and 'queers' but that didn't bother us. As long as we had each other, we were okay. After a while, people just left the both of us alone. But at school, it was worse. When Cam and I weren't together during breaks, both of us were tormented relentlessly by former friends._

_My ex-girlfriend (god why did I ever date her?) and her group of friends were worse out of everyone in school. They spread rumors, calling me a player and cheating on Cam. Some people even said that Cam was just playing me for a fool and that he was really in love with Claire Lyons. But I knew that he loved me, he even said so himself._

_Cam and I were helplessly in love. Whenever either one of us needed cheering up from harsh day at school, I would meet at Cams place and we would just cry, because we weren't afraid to let it out every once in a while. There were days at school were we would pretend to be okay with what people called us, but sometimes it was just too much._

_It was one day after another harsh day at school that we sat in my car. Cam was leaning on me and my arm was around him. He was quiet, going over something in his head. I didn't even know what it was. He seemed to look happy, but there was an eerie feeling in the air. At the same time, I was battling in my head the words that my father kept telling me:_

**_"Derrick, you're a freak of nature. Why do you like boys? Can't you just be normal and date girls?"_**

**_And mom_**

**_"I want some grand kids! I can't get them if you don't date a girl. Why do you like Cam anyways?_**

**_And my sister_**

**_"You're disgusting! I'm ashamed to call you my brother!"_**

_"Derrick? Are you okay?" Cam asked, bringing me out of my thoughts._

_I shook my head of all the harsh words and turned to him and gave a smile._

_"Yeah. Hey, are you okay? You've got this weird look on your face," I explained._

_He shrugged and shifted his weight , inching away from me. I saw tears stream down his face._

_"Do you ever think about the future?" Cam asked._

_I smiled and took his hand in mine. Looking into his green and blue eyes, I pecked his cheek._

_"Of course," I replied._

_"Well...what do you see?" Cam asked._

_He sounded like he was hopeful that we would be able to not feel uncomfortable out in public because of our relationship. The future...what would it be like? I could see people accepting gays and others like us. I could see Cam still being in it, by my side. That sounded like a nice thought. I loved him, I wanted a future with him._

_"You. I see you in the future with me," I replied._

_He smiled and leaned in, kissing me tenderly._

_"What do you see?" I asked._

_But he didn't reply. He gave a wry smile and got out of the car._

_"Cam? What do you see?" I asked, getting out and following him._

***.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.***

I walked the halls alone, avoiding eye contact with my old friends, Cams' old friends. I couldn't face anyone after what happened. It was hard to deal with the pain of losing him everywhere I went. I had to force a smile every time I saw his old friends. I could never stop thinking about what happened between the two of us. I thought he was happy with our relationship. Coming into my classroom, I kept my eyes on the ground and got to my desk. I swallowed hard and looked across from me to see his desk...empty.

I forced myself not to cry, but it was hard. It hurt so much. I felt a delicate hand on my shoulder...Massie. She tried to apologize to me, but I didn't want to hear it. Grabbing my things, I went to the back of the class where no one would bother me. I let silent tears roll down my face as I took out some paper and my pencil. I was so hurt...so lost. I needed a way to let out my words.

**What hurts the most, was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away.**

**And never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you was what I was trying to do.**

***.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.***

_I never even saw it coming. I had gotten into another fight with my parents while Cam was over. We had been making out on the couch when my dad burst into the house. Damn, I thought they would be gone for another hour. Furious, my dad ripped Cam off the couch and slapped him silly across the face. I got off the couch and demanded that he apologize to my boyfriend._

_"YOU GET OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!" My dad yelled at Cam._

_I saw the hurt in his face and Cam started backing away. I argued with dad, telling him that this was my life and my choice, not his. He had no right telling Cam and I that we couldn't be together. I saw a pained looked in Cams face, as if he wanted to say something to my dad. But dad and I kept screaming at each other._

_"I LOVE CAM! YOU CAN'T TELL ME HOW TO FEEL!" I shouted._

_"FORGET IT DERRICK!" Cam shouted._

_Dad and I looked at him and I saw the tears run down his face. I went to go console him, but dad held me back._

_"Don't worry, I'm leaving," Cam said and he walked away._

_"CAM! WAIT!" I yelled, running after him._

***.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.***

My heart was swollen with grief. I couldn't stop thinking about it! I had to do something...go somewhere. As soon as the bell went out for school to end, I grabbed my bag and booked it out of there. I had tears run down my face as I kept running, running to the spot where I knew Cam would be. I didn't even know how long I ran for, all I knew was that I had to get there, to where he would be. Tears ran down my face. I just had to see him once more.

***.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.***

_It was the next day after the fight when I found out. I was cleaning my room when the phone rang and my father answered it. I heard a strangled gasp come from his mouth and I wondered what happened. I heard him say "thank-you" and he hung up. He came into my room and I saw a look of guilt on his face._

_"Derrick, there's something that I need to tell you," He said._

_I felt my heart leap into my throat. Something bad has happened to someone, hasn't it? I prepared myself to hear the bad news that he had to bring._

_"Cams' parents called. His mother went to wake him up this morning and...he was... Derrick I'm sorry. Cam killed himself," Dad announced._

_At first I didn't know what to think. Dad was fooling me, right? He had to be. He hated the fact that I was gay with Cam. But seeing his grief-stricken face and some tears, I knew that I was wrong._

_"His mother found a note on his desk. It said that he was hurting really bad because of all the bullying at school. He was hurting a lot because the two of you were so close but everyone hated it...including me. Derrick, I'm really sorry," Dad said._

***.*.*.*.*.*.*.***

I saw Derrick crying by my grave, saying that he missed me...that he loved me.

I never knew he really cared that much for me.

But I wasn't strong enough to care back. I was scared of what the future had in store for us.

I was scared that the bullying would never end.

And the breaking point was when his father ripped us apart.

If his father had been more open-minded

More encouraging

If everyone else had accepted us

Then I knew what I would have said to Derrick that day back in his car.

"You...I saw you in my future"

* * *

**This was probably really lame, but I'm at least making an effort, right? **


End file.
